Press Office

My dad and I often laugh at spokespersons on TV, especially Northern Ireland ones. They are hilarious, unintentionally of course. Pay particular attention to the PSNI ones. I can just imagine the training they get; 'be as dull as you can and never raise your voice over the flat monotone you start out on. Oh and bonus points for getting 'community' in'. 

Caitriona Ruane is another kettle of fish. She must use key phrases several times an interview, presumably approved by the Sinn Fein Press Office:

1. 'I am the Minister of Education...' 

This reminds everyone just who you are and the power you have, yes, nevermind you can't act unilaterally, make people think you can.

2. 'Failing our children' 

Is there anything more damning than something that fails children. No, wait make it personal, fails our children.

3. 'Anti-change' 

We're positive, they're negative, we're new, they're old.

4. 'Children of the North' 

A clever double swipe, the poor little kiddie-winkles going through big bad exams, but don't just leave it there, go on and remind everyone we don't say 'Northern Ireland'.

5. 'Moving forward' 

Implies every other viewpoint is backward, ergo academic selection is bad.

6. 'Educationalists' 

This makes you sound smart, that you know what you are talking about and given this more thought than it would appear.

Most of the time I see her I try to imagine her as a tennis player. It distracts me enough from shouting at the TV.