Tweet tweet

I love Twitter. It's so quick and easy to use. You only get 140 characters so it can be quite a challenge to fit what you want in. I have been known to continue on a thought on subsequent tweets. Well, like my bio says, when something's funny, life is too short not to laugh at it.

I also like reading tweets. I like the people I follow. Some are people I know, most are 'celebs'. I am in charge of who I follow. I've been following Alan Sugar for a while. Mostly because there was a bet he had with Piers Morgan, but his tweets became so full of hate I had to stop. One of my favourite celebs is Dave Gorman, he is brilliantly clever. I could probably stop following both Barack Obama and Stephen Fry, but that might be rude because both the President of the USA and the President of Twitter follow me. Awk-ward.

Of late I have noticed myself rolling my eyes at two particular kinds of tweet and I think here is a safe place to rant about them. I don't know why, but I suppose writing it on Twitter might be a little bit rude. (Please don't be offended if I follow you on Twitter and these are something you have done. This has taken months of build up.)

1. Something + something = something else.
Yawn. If you're going to get mathematical at least make it a more complex sum than something a P2 would do. You could subtract something. Or for real A Level maths tweets why not introduce a bit of < or >? Or how's about a ≠. Go on, if you're a P2 maths tweeter, branch out and put a little thought into your maths based tweets.

2. Something something. That is all.
You just wasted 12 whole characters telling me 'that is all' when one full stop already told me that was the end of your thought.

And just while I'm ranting, can we get some sort of ruling on smileys that go the wrong way. The eyes should clearly be first, thus ;) I think people who do the smiley part first s: should have their face made to stay that way.

So that's Christmas for another year

After a disappointing November, December hasn't turned out to be any better in terms of blogging. I thought I had it cracked, I had things I wanted to blog about and nothing. No blogs happened. Much like writing my dissertation. I'm looking forward to 2011 because (hopefully) this thing will be done. Although it's hard to imagine that right now. Agh. Motivation, where for art thou?

So today I give you my new year's resolutions:

1. Write

This applies to both here and dissertation. I like writing my blog, I should write more often. I like learning stuff, I should write about what I'm finding out.

I said resolutions plural, but I can really only think of this one. I'm not going to start crazy projects (let's not mention the dismal end to project 365. I liked it, but blogger don't really make photos easy anymore.

Right, if you'll excuse me I must go and do something constructive to my dissertation. Well, the best resolutions are the ones you start immediately.

Surely the reason the internet was invented

I don't quite know how they did this and managed to get all the people they did, but this is hilarious! I don't want to spoil it too much for you, but any video that unites Glenn Close and Gordon Kaye of 'Allo 'Allo fame is worth a watch.



Just when you think it can't get any odder, it does.

There is another one where they sing 'We are the world'. But I prefer this one, for its we-all-sing-a-line-but-we're-together-on-this-beach quality. Very X Factor charity single. If I was wearing a hat, I'd take it off to Gylne Tider. Whoever you are.

Knee news

I can't believe in my November update post I forgot about my knee. It turns out that I was very lucky I wasn't sportier earlier in my life as I would have had much more serious problems than I do now. It turns out a lot of things were conspiring against me, I have crap feet, rubbish hips (I'm as surprised as anyone with this news about my well cultivated hips) and, to quote the physio 'a tiny little patella'. That's the medical term for the knee cap, don't you know. No wonder it was so sore, it was just wobbling about in there.

One doctor was very surprised I've never dislocated my knee before and made it sound like I was about to walk out of the surgery and it would happen at any moment. The physio also told me I had the same thing as Rafa Nadal! Who would have thunk me and Rafa would have something in common?! I have to tape my knee just like he does when I do sport now.

I'd have been less impressed if Big Head Federer had this injury.

It's nice to know why it's so painful, but I guess that's it now, I'm old. It's all downhill from here on in.

November

Where has the month gone? I was very close to not actually blogging at all this month and I think that that would have been the first time that would have ever happened. But fear not, here I am with a last minute attempt at saving November. So what have I been up to since last I wrote. Well let's see shall we?

Feet Up Friday
A couple of months ago Greg James was in Belfast for Feet Up Friday. It was the day after my birthday and I was going out that night so I didn't want to apply because it'd be too hard to organise it all, you know, because obviously I'd get to go. So when Greg announced at the end of October that they were doing another one out and about, I thought there was no way it'd be Belfast again. But it was. And I applied. Next thing was I got a a phonecall from Radio 1. Ha! They always say to be really enthusiastic and interesting on the phone, so I did my best. Apparently it worked! So off my lucky friends and I trotted to Blackstaff studios and met Greg James, Producer Neil, Producer Sarah, and Scouting for Girls.

Also there, although I didn't get to actually meet him was Hugo Duncan! Oh glory. I wrote about him on my web form, you know, to make mine stand out, rather than writing the usual sort of stuff. I might have actually said he was 'a complete Northern Ireland legend'. Well, it worked didn't it.

Before I even got into the studio though I got to meet a Northern Ireland legend. Paul Clarke!

He was as surprised to meet me as Clare Balding was.

Greg plays the tunes, Producer Neil scratches his head.

Scouting For Girls were brilliant! They played about 2 metres in front of us, singing a medley of their songs and made one up about Belfast.

Writing
Not my blog evidently, but I have been working on my dissertation. Next.

Cooing over my niece and nephew
They're incredibly cute. John is very funny now and Kiera is still gorgeous. But other people's kid stories can be dull, I know that so I won't bore you with detail of how John gave my mandarin to Nanna to peel for because earlier she had peeled his. Ah, we laughed! But dull to you. Next

Baking

I like baking. This past while I have made banana bread, banana and chocolate bread, banana cake (there were a lot of bananas about to be thrown out), brownies, and most excitingly of all, a birthday cake for Karen Marathon.

I thought I would try to base it one of her pieces of art and this was my best attempt. (The cake is on the right, just in case you couldn't tell.)

Boyce Avenue
I went to see them in Belfast. It was a good night and they were really good live! If you haven't heard of them you should You Tube some of their stuff. For convenience I'll include my favourite cover they do.



Funniest thing of the night was the dry bar.

Well it's hard to take a Mi Wadi bar seriously.

Heathrow is finally a fun place!

I want one of those flash mob things to happen around me. Or to be in one.

Lift music

I was back at the doctors' this week. I haven't been at the doctors' for actual years, like before I went to NC. But then with my knee and womanflu I've been three times in the last month. Good old NHS eh?!

I noticed the last time I was there they like to play orchestral arrangements of movie songs. When I was there about my knee they played 'Eye of the Tiger'. It's hard when that song is playing not to feel fine, especially when you are there about your sore knee.

This week, I went to the doctors' with my dad (who made me sick). Not because I am a child, but because it's a bally nightmare getting through on the phone so when I did, I asked for two appointments, one for me, one for him, so then she gave us them ten minutes apart.

This week's songs were another fine selection. We had:

(I encourage you to play them and imagine the scene in the surgery waiting room!)


I so wanted someone to do commando rolls as their name got called. Maybe they did and I just didn't notice because they were so stealth like?


Always a classic. I would have run out (in slow motion) had I been called during this song. It wasn't to be though.


This was a good choice. Except for the dark part in the middle when I can only assume the Death Star is attacking. That's not appropriate for a surgery.


Uplifting and inspiring.

But the best one, which my dad got to walk out to, was this one.


I swear, even though he was dying inside, he held his head higher and walked taller because of this tune.

I am sick

Fear not, no more embarrassing trips to the doctors'. I diagnosed myself. It's my tonsils, head, back, legs. Nearly like the old joke "Doctor it hurts when I press here, here, here and here." Except I don't have a sore finger.

Anyway seeing as I'm up this late hour I thought I would give you my instructions for making and drinking co-codamol.

1. Boil kettle. It helps reduce the taste.

2. While kettle is boiling make a drink of juice. The sweeter the better. I like to use Ribena but I suppose orange squash would be all right too. It's also best if you use water from the fridge.

3. Do NOT be tempted to taste your pre-made juice. This will only mean you have further to fall once you have drink the co-codamol.

4. Once the kettle has boiled, pour a small amount (1/4 to 1/3 of a cup) of hot water into your cup with the co-codamol tablet(s) in (please consult package for correct dosage).

5. Wait for the tablets to completely fizz. Then add a shot of dilutable orange juice (Ribena does not work well). Be sure to wait because adding something cold only prolongs the fizzing time, therefore prolonging the agony of having to take it co-codamol at all.

6. Drink mixture in four or five mouthfuls. Be sure to be standing by your pre-made Ribena. I like to stand to drink it, I find it helps with the moaning and fist shaking as you drink it.

7. As soon the co-codamol is done, waste no time in drinking the Ribena. You could even hold it in the other hand to reduce the changeover time.

See, I have it down to a fine art.

Kids say the darndest things!

My nephew is getting really good at names. A while a go I was babysitting and decided my goal for the day should be to teach him my name. Quite quickly he had caught on. Well nearly. I thought for a second he was saying 'Nina'. Turns out it's more a 'Nia'. Ah well, I'll take it.

We visited recently, and amongst presents for Kiera, we brought David a DVD of a news report that he'd been on. Nothing bad I might add, a London news thing for his work. Due to technical difficulties he hadn't seen it and as we had Sky+ed it, we put it on DVD for him.

When John saw the DVD, bless him, he thought it was his CD of songs. Well if you're 20 months old, telling the difference between a DVD and a CD is pretty hard. Anyway, he put it in the DVD player in the hopes of songtime. Imagine his surprise when Daddy appeared on the screen!

Well, I thought he would be surprised. Apparently he thought it was fairly normal and all his family would appear on the box in the living room, because after the report was over and it passed back to the studio presenters, John pointed to the blonde girl and said "Nia!!"















Even though he has no idea, I'm taking that as a compliment.

Thank goodness he didn't point at Donal McIntyre.

How would you even learn this?

This was not my favourite tune of the summer, but this video is unreal.



I couldn't tell you how long it took me to learn that cup thing, you know the one where the cup travels round in a circle to a rhythm.

Yeah, no hand Irish dancing for me. People would get hurt.

Check her out!

Welcome home (part 2)

You're like me Kiera, you had a whole family already waiting for you. One day I'm sure you'll understand how lucky that makes you. But for right now it just means you have more people to love you than you could hope for.

And what's not to love about you? You are crazy beautiful. Sure, you slept most of this first time we met, but I could still tell that about you. I think it was the elegant, long fingers you have. And your gorgeous eyelashes. You’re a bundle of perfect.

I hope you never doubt your beauty and your perfection, Kiera.

You get to be a little sister. This is great! I know this, because I too am a little sister. Let me tell you, this job is pretty special, and although it might not seem like it at times, having an older brother is brilliant! 

You’ll get to play with him. This is usually more fun than playing by yourself. Your big brother will have lots of good ideas to make playing more fun. Like how my big brother invented water races. We’ll teach you and John how to play it, but maybe in Nanna and Pops’ house. Just a word of warning though, if he suggests that you and he go ahead and dig a swimming pool in the back garden, this will not go down well with Mummy and Daddy. 

You'll get to ride your bikes together. You’ll play with his friends and you won’t let the fact they are boys stop you. You'll spend time with Dad and John when they're out in the garage working on projects. You two will be silly together and you'll make each other laugh until you are ready to explode. But be a good sister. Don't blame him for things he didn't do. Say like, if you cut your My Little Pony's hair off, don't blame it on him. He'll get shouted at and you'll feel terrible.

I hope your brother is the coolest, funniest person you know, Kiera.

And you are a daughter! The older you get, the more this will mean to you, because you’ll get to discover just how, in big ways and small ways, you are just like your mum and dad.

Mummies are wonderful. She’ll be able to teach you how to make coconut kisses, paint a picture or write in bubble writing. Learn from her creativity. Your mum will teach you to try new things, not be scared but to believe in yourself.

When she gets dressed up to go out somewhere special, you’ll know she’s going to be the prettiest person there. In fact, you’ll think she’s the most beautiful woman you’ve ever seen, because she is. You’ll get to clip clop around in her shoes and be just like her.

But mums are clever too. She’ll probably be the first person you turn to when you need help. She’ll know the right words to say. Listen to her, she will know you best.

I hope your mum is your role model, Kiera.

Daddies are great too. He'll know just what to do in any situation. He'll know how to make anything and fix anything. You should spend time just talking to him because you’ll get to really know him and you’ll discover how smart he is.

He loves you so much that even when you mess up, he is still going to give you a big tight Daddy hug and tell you it’s ok. Like how my dad did when I was out on my first driving lesson with him and I hit and drove over a concrete bollard because I yet to master braking.

You’ll be excited for when he comes home from work because you’ll know it means you’re going to get spun around and around in a way that only daddies can do.

I hope your dad is your hero, Kiera.

This is your home, this is where you'll feel more love than you could hope for.

Welcome home Kiera, welcome home.

Welcome home

Well done Kiera! You made it! I am so excited you're here, and I'm pretty sure I'm not the only one!



[I'll write more tomorrow when I get to meet her. Eeeeee!]

Doctor, doctor

I went to the doctor's the other day. I know, normally a blog isn't the sort of place to share your doctors' visits, but this one was definitely blog worthy so why not.

Right, so you know about my sore knee when I cycle. Well last week I went swimming and it was sore after swimming. Even I know, with my lack of any medical qualifications whatsoever, that swimming is one of the 'best' sports to do when you're injured (gosh, I nearly sound like an athlete). So I made myself an appointment. Of course, being an 'on the day appointment' they can't tell you who it's with until you show up.

When I checked I forgot to ask who I was seeing, but as I know a few doctors that do locum work I thought I should embarrass myself and go back up and ask. You know, to be forewarned is to be forearmed and all that. When she told me the name I was glad it was not the same as the three doctors I had been thinking of.

"Wait, Dr. Jones*? Not Dr. Jimmy Jones* that helps with >insert certain Methodist event here< ?'" I thought to myself. I don't know him that well so he hadn't been on my radar of possible doctors.

I immediately discounted the thought.
"Nah, there has to be a million Dr. Joneses in NI", for he has quite a common name.

But as I sat on in the waiting room I thought to myself  "Oh well, at least if it was that Dr. Jones*, I was only going about my knee". There is an endless list of potentially embarrassing ailments I could be going about. I genuinely think if that had been the case I would have lied when I got in there and it was him. Isn't that awful?!

Anyway, you don't need to be a genius to know where this story is going. Yes, that's right, when I walked into the room who was staring back at me but Dr. Jimmy Jones*.

We had a good laugh about it and what not and I explained about my knee and what made it sore. He asked me some questions and then said he needed to see it. This should have been obvious to me and yet it was only as he said the words I remembered my grave error. In a bid to be quick in the shower I had forgone shaving my legs.

Oh. Die.

I like to think we got over that awkward hurdle without too much embarrassment. Well, I imagine he's seen worse and after a few squeezey and pressure tests (no really, I have no medical qualifications) he said I would have to go for an x-ray. As he filled out the form that I would need we continued to chat about that certain Methodist event and his upcoming holiday. But this is the best part. During this time he asked me no questions relating to the form. Nada. Zippo.

It was only when I got home I realised he ticked this box. Of his very own accord.

I'd like to state right here, right now that I am most definitely not pregnant. But that's not the point, I could have been.

So maybe he wasn't the only one embarrassed. Or maybe he made a judgement call based on the state of my legs.

Yeah, ok, fair enough. Probably that second one.



*His name has been changed. Doctor-patient confidentially goes both ways. I think.

The Young Ones

If you haven't seen this TV programme you really should. It was on tonight and last night, and the last part is tomorrow. It follows what happens when a group of elderly celebrities go back to a time when they were in their prime, 1975. They live together in a house decked out in 1975, eat food they would have eaten 1975 and do activities they did in 1975. The scientific theory (yes actually a Harvard study was done) is that if they go back to a time when they could do everything then, even though they are 35 years older, they will think themselves young again and surprise themselves with the things they thought they weren't able to do.

In the programme you see them able to do things they thought they couldn't, and you see them come alive again when they are tasked with doing something they love. So we see Lionel Blair at the London Pallendium, Dickie Bird at Lord's and Liz Smith painting. The effect it has on them is amazing. In tonight's programme, a group of carers were brought in and it was fascinating to see how they reacted to them. (You can see the final programme BBC1 Thursday 16th September at 9.00pm. And all three on the iPlayer here.)

A lot of what they show and suggest for ways of keeping a 'youthful spirit' are things my grandpa would have done. He cut the grass until he was in his 90s which kept him active, he looked after our cat Dusty who gave him companionship, and more or less til the end he was in charge of what he ate because he went shopping at Tesco, which kept him in charge of decisions.

It's an interesting programme for me though in more ways than this though. I thought I might have been having some sort of mid-life crisis. Why? Well this is why.





















Karen Marathon said I was like a roller skating ninja. I like that description.

See, it's not a crisis to go back to the late 1980s and have roller boots again. Oh no, I'm just going back to a time when I could roller skate to see if I still can. I can and it's super fun!

The truth is Lynsey and Caroline got a pair each and I was not hard to convince into getting some too. Turns out there's loads of places you can get them online nowadays. Who knew?! Lynsey and I went out again on Sunday morning along the sea front. Honestly, you would have thought we were in Santa Monica. The sun was shining, we were right by the sea and we had our sunglasses on. Hollywood! All that was missing was the Bodyform dog. Might get one of those too. Well that study did say it's good to have companionship.

Plus the girl in those ads had a really good speed built up with the dog pulling her.

Happy five years

Today is my blogging anniversary, my blogiversary if you will. Much like Josh and Donna in The West Wing, I have an earlier blogiversary but I chose to celebrate this one. As five years ago today I wrote my first post on here (that actually stayed). There have been highs and lows since (I think I'm definitely in a blogging low right now) but I didn't want this to pass without it being noted. My life is so different now compared to then. And yet so strangely the same. And on here I have a record of most, ok, some of it.

Happy birthday Tina the Princess. You could start school now, if, you know, you were a real person and not a blog.

The interweb sure is cool

I've liked Arcade Fire for a while. In fact iTunes tells me theirs was the first song I ever downloaded! But this, this is just cool.

From The Purple Revolver:

Arcade Fire have set a new gold standard for music videos for new song We Used to Wait off of their new album, The Suburbs.

It’s basically one big ball of HTML5/Google Maps/musical goodness.

The video was announced today on the bands Official Google Blog, which details exactly what elements went into its creation.

Dubbed The Wilderness Downtown (developed by writer/director Chris Milk) the video is a new kind of musical experience, reminiscent of the hypertext storytelling of old but much more advanced.

Basically, you go over to The Wilderness Downtown page using Google Chrome (don't use Safari!) and type in the address of your childhood home when prompted.

If Google Maps has enough footage of the house, you’ll be pooled into a multi-browser movie of your own making.

The experience of watching this highly personalized video is not easily described, but basically the story of childhood ending as time rapidly slips away, trees shoot up out of nowhere on your old street, culminating in an opportunity to write a letter to a younger you.

The new endeavour really shows off the capabilities offered by HTML5. As the Chrome Experiments page expresses, the new audio, video and canvas tags mark a new and exciting direction for personalised music videos.

Check out the new video here:

http://www.thewildernessdowntown.com/

Truth be told, I don't know what HTML5 is. But I do recognise a cool video when I see it. Try it! My actual childhood street didn't work, but my dad's Belfast one did.

Andy Williams has let himself go a bit

My mum got a new computer this week. It's very exciting! She's gone back to Mac, her computer roots. Forever and a day my mum had a Mac. She had a Classic II, then there was one with a coloured screen (actually that was the one I used in university), and then there was the first of two of the famous coloured iMacs (Grape and Blueberry Mac geeks).
















Thankfully her new one is a bit more advanced that this.

Anyway, to help her out I have been showing her the ropes, as it were. Well she's good on computers, but with something new sometimes she can be all at sea. Now, in all fairness she's not like my dad with computers, who, when he held a mouse couldn't work it. (It kept moving down as he moved it up, and he had no clue the wire was supposed to come out the top of the mouse.) But this week I told Mum to go to a certain website, I can't remember why, it was part of her training. But she just looked at me like I'd asked her to fly to the moon by flapping her special wings. She said after it was because Safari looks so different. We'll not mention that the principle of address bar is same. And in the exact same place. But ok.

One of the things we did we did was transfer her music. But for reasons best known they were in all sorts of a mess. Albums split, no artwork, but album artwork in the music folder. We tried to use the useful 'Get Album Artwork' that iTunes has. While it helped for most, I can't help but feel it got some wrong. I took some screen shots from Cover Flow to illustrate some of the mismatches.






















Ok, close enough. I see what you were going for there, 60s and Soul were clearly the key words here.





















Again, solid attempt. But clearly you don't know my mum if you think she's into her karaoke hits.





















Hmm. Not sure what you aiming for here, iTunes. Blues Sound Good Vol. 1? For future reference God will usually refer to a Christian album.





















Andy Williams has never looked like this. Or that guy in the Hawaiian shirt.

But the best one has to be this effort. Again you can see what iTunes was thinking.





















This is wrong on many, many levels iTunes.

At this point I feel it my daughterly duty to say (and before she bans me from her new shiny computer for posting this) that the album my mum, of course, actually has this Vineyard one. You knew that, I knew that, iTunes didn't know that.

Right must go, been listening to too much of my mum's music. For the past while it's been Glenn Miller.

'Pennsylvania 6-5000!'

Silver Blizzard adventures

I might have mentioned before that I got a new bike for my birthday! I know, ever the 9 year old. It's fun to go places on your bike, especially in the great summer weather we've been having. I thought a bike would be better for my knee than running. I can actually hear it creek when I get up! It's quite disturbing, although not painful (however more on that later). I have taken to taking pictures from where I end up cycling to on my bike. Which is lucky, because now I can post them on here!

This is from my first cycle to Brown's Bay in about fifteen years. This was taken on the saddest day of the year, 23rd July, but the weather made a special effort and it was actually quite good! Self-timer shots are tricky, and I was annoyed that I cut my front wheel off in the photo, so I thought I'd try again.

And got this one of me running into position. I think my phone slipped and it took extra, valuable seconds to put it up again. Not be deterred, I tried again.

Yeah, so the wheel cut off isn't that bad afterall.

I went another day, more cloudy, but better self-timer skills.

Florescent colours are the only way to go on bike.

I cycled to Carrick one day. It was not as bad a cycle as I feared, with the busy main road and all that, but just as I was coming into the town at a set of traffic lights, a big cement mixer went past me. It's weird you'd think you'd hear something that big coming behind you, but maybe because of all the other traffic noise I didn't. I promise he did not move out one inch from his usual place in the road and with the shock, the noise and the wind from him passing I nearly died. I was able to recover enough to display my feelings to him. That's right I...shook my fist at him. I may have sworn too, but he wouldn't have heard that. The people at the bus stop however were left in no uncertain terms as to how I felt.

The traffic light incident didn't stop a beautiful self-timer shot at the Castle though.

On days when the weather isn't great/I can't go far/I can't be bothered I usually cycle up to the cemetery. 

Sure, it's not as picturesque, but I still took a photo.

My biggest cycle to date has been all the way into Belfast! I was so please I made it! The weather was amazing that day. I actually got tan lines on my legs! 

I think the most surprising thing was that it only took an hour to do. It takes 30 minutes in the car! I can see now the appeal of cycling in rush hour.

I cycled along that footpath/cycle path and into Duncrue. It was weird to be as close as this to cars travelling at 70mph and nothing but a bit of wire fence between us. Woooommmppphhhhh! The bit from Whiteabbey on was easily the best bit of it all. It nearly reminded me of East Coast Park in Singapore. Without the acres of park, big jumbo jets landing at the airport and dozens of big tankers in the sea. Well I said nearly.

The next day the weather was still great so out again I went.

Brown's Bay was packed out, packed out I tell you!

There's always some idiot that reckons he's in a 90s Brit Pop music video.

While I was out I noticed that my left knee was a bit sore. That evening it got much worse. And the next day was pure pain. Apparently this can be common when you start cycling a lot. And that weekend I definitely cycled more than my average mileage. So I've put it down to that. I haven't been out since because I've had the cold, but now my knee is better and my sneezes have stopped I think I'll try to get out again soon. Definitely before the summer is out I want to go up the Antrim Coast. Might get the train to Larne though.

I can think of no finer tribute

It always makes me laugh when I see 'Happy Birthday' signs along the road. They always look so rubbish. You rarely see a good one. And they always get left up too long and are getting all dirty and gross. Take a look at these fine examples.

Points for ICT skills, but you failed in the glueing. And I'm sorry but if you can't outshine a sign for allotments then clearly this birthday means nothing to you.

Happy what now? Lurch? Happy Lurch? That's the message you wanted your loved one to see? Oh no wait, you just didn't think through the sticking of your sign. Well don't they just feel special with your half hearted attempt?! And what, pray tell, makes you think you can cover important road signage for the rest of the driving world? Huh. 

But this one, this one took the biscuit.

I don't know what you did, but I really don't think an apology painted so pathetically on a big white sheet is going to get anyone's forgiveness. Plus everyone knows you need some sort of name or coded message. This could be to anyone.

I know, you best get back to the drawing board for my 31st birthday celebrations eh?!

Even more exam answers

Seeing as today is results day I thought it was a prime opportunity to have the now annual look at some answers. Oh yeah sure, results are up and A* at A Level is possible, but let's not forget the candidates who maybe didn't work as hard they ought to have, the ones who didn't think through exactly what they were writing and the ones who maybe should have withdrawn altogether.

Just plain wrong
Wrong is as wrong does.

One thing they did was they grew bread more.

Yes, bread grows on trees. Just beside the money trees.

Knight of the Long Knives

Was he at the Round table?

By 1967 Hitler had managed to improve relations with nationalists.

From his hideout in Argentina?

Germany failed in the Battle of Britain because the RAF could fly over the Donegal Air Corridor.

I'm sure if you'd just thought about that sentence you would realise your error.

The Belfast Blitz left 100,000,000 homeless.

You got a bit 000 happy there I think.

Another party was set up, Sinn Fein. This was led by Rev Ian Paisley.

Never, never, never.

The legislative process refers to the Supreme Court.

Does it, does it really?

Operation Sea Lion was stopped because of the risk of being attacked by the RAF in the air.
Ah yes, attacks from the air, something the architect of Operation Sea Lion overlooked.

NI contributed because battleships could get repaired in Lough Erne.
Who was your Geography teacher? You should ask for a refund.

You don't say

You know what they say, make things abundantly clear to the examiner.

The president is the only person to have access to the nuclear weapon launch codes. A significant power in foreign policy.

Significant. I like how you think the possible end of the world would be 'significant'.

The lives of innocent people were lost which decreased the population.

I think that second part was a given.

They were able to help because it meant they could target Germany from different angles eg the sky, below sea level. Also because Germany wouldn't have been prepared for attack at these angles.

You'd have been better stopping after angles, then I might have thought you meant a war on two fronts.

At my primary school our first school rule was to do to others as you would like others to do to you.

And your point is?

Poetry corner

No extra marks for style.

Hitler and Hacha met up to discuss the future of Czechoslovakia. Hitler gave Hacha an ultimatum - give up Czechoslovakia or Prague would be bombed to the ground. It was such a beautiful city that Hacha fainted on the spot.

For he loved the baroque and gothic architecture?

The RUC outstayed their welcome, searching houses for weapons.

Yes, I'd say searching for weapons is no way to impress your host. It's just not dinner etiquette.

Hitler just marched into Austria and took it.

I like that you think it was actually Hitler doing the marching.

Internment was an epic fail.

Ok, so you know your exam is not like your Facebook status?

Judicial review was discovered in 1803.

Why, what's this I have stumbled upon? Well, look what we have here! It's judicial review!

If the President starts to be a bit odd he can be impeached.

Ah yes, they do swear in the oath not to be odd.

If an attack is imminent, civil liberties go out the window to protect homeland security.

Ah yes, the old out the window trick. It's the only place civil liberties ever seem to go.

Telling it like it is

Or maybe isn't.

Women were told their role was to be in the house 24/7, looking after children and satisfying the father (sexually included).

Some things are best left unsaid.

The essay is broad but due to time restrictions I will address 3 issues.

Ok, well you'd have more time if you didn't moan about the time restrictions. Just sayin'.

The population votes for the President. They trust his decisions.

Someone should tell those Tea Party people.

One judge showed himself to be a swinger.

Oh did he indeed? I'm surprised Fox weren't on to him sooner.

In amongst these, there were two that really took me to the fair (and with exam marking you'll already know that you're half way there). Following on from last year's 'some critic's argue' The Repeat Repeat Award goes to the person that wrote 18 sentences beginning with 'Hitler...' You name it, they had a verb following it. Quite a feat in a two sided answer.

The other one that nearly destroyed me was one I tweeted about. It was a girl, oh yes definitely a girl who answered every question out of order. She did each of the four (completely different topics) longer questions first, then she did the mid-length questions of the four, and then finished with the short ones. And she didn't leave a line in between any question! So not only did I have to hunt all the way through her paper to find the answer I wanted to mark, the beginning and end weren't easily distinguishable and there was no room to annotate her answer. Of course if she hadn't wasted so much time drawing circles above each i for a dot I might have been more understanding. My annoyance was summed up in this tweet:

'No one thinks it's cute to circle your i dots ok. I think you're stupid, and I'm marking your GCSE paper. How do you like them apples?!'

My reaction, of course, could have been exaggerated because it was 2.00am in the morning. I know, don't examiners have it rough?

SW19 is the only sporting postcode I know (which is handy for this post)

I know, I know. Wimbledon seems like light years away now doesn't it? Heck even Castlewellan seems like ages away now. Didn't I mention before that August was my half month of blogging?! Yeah, late start but I'm on it now! So to kick things off here are the photos of Wimbledon!

At the famous flower bed!

This is the camera that take the shot of the big screen and all the crowds on Henman Hill.

The Order of Play board was looking a bit thin on it.

Thankfully, we already had our tickets, but this is the ticket resale queue at approximately 10.40am. On men's semi-finals day, with Andy and Rafa playing, you'd have to be determined to get into Centre Court. And these people were.

After wandering about the grounds for a bit, we made our way to check out our seats. We had guessed (and were hoping we were right) that they were right beside where the players walk out. And they were!! 

Just through there they come!

Me pointing at the exciting match that isn't going on in front of me!

Soon Sue and the boys were doing the pre-match build up!

The first match was Berdych against Djokovic. Berdych stole my dream of seeing Federer getting beaten but like my mum said during the quarterfinal when Berdych beat him, it was for the greater good. I would have loved to have seen Roddick too, but alas it wasn't to be!

The new roof was not needed! A bright sun shiny day!

All too soon the match was over and all attention turned to wait for...Beckham to arrive. Every press camera in the place turned to where he was due to enter.

Yeah, ok, so my camera turned too. In fact we started Beckhamwatch monitoring his every movement. He seems a very nice dad, taking photos of Brooklyn and ruffling his hair the way only a dad can!

There was a lot of talk after Murray lost that Beckham was a curse, you know after the World Cup and everything. Well I can reveal that at the beginning of the third set David Beckham left the court (presumably for the bathroom) and missed, MISSED Murray break Nadal!

We were so close to them serving it was actually awkward to take a photo of them as they walked towards us. Murray especially seemed to be looking right at us, like making eye contact and everything. It did seem the right moment to pick up the camera as he replayed in his mind the backhand return that he just fluffed.

I really couldn't decide who I wanted to win, but came prepared for both sides! Depending on who was up at our end I would hold the appropriate sign (although less of the Uncle Toni because I got embarrassed!). It would have been brilliant if Andy Murray had got through, but I've got a soft spot for Nadal! We were close enough to get autographs signed at the end of both matches, we were on TV at the end of the first semi. And excitement of excitements I got Rafa to sign the Uncle Toni sign! Amazing!

This is my favourite press photo! There I am with my British flag!!

Go on Rafa!

In the end, as you might already know, Berdych and Nadal won through to the final. The only slight disappointment I had was that it was over so soon. A nice 5 setter would have been great. (Or Roddick beating Federer in the first semi!)

Murray Mound was a bit depressing afterwards.

After the semis were over we got a nice doubles match to watch.

Martina Navratilova and Jana Novotna! Not a bad way to make up for the somewhat earlier than liked finish!

It was on a bathroom break that I bumped into Clare Balding! She was shocked by it. Or maybe just that I'd even asked for her picture!

And so to finish, two of my favourite videos of the day!

The signature move by the line court judges:

And match point (with the famous wedgie pick! And some fine, fine camera work from me!)