The UK's greatest export

Last night I watched American Idol. It was, perhaps, the funniest thing I have seen all year. Simon Cowell makes the programme! He is as you know him to be, cutting, harsh and rude but there’s also a sense of bewilderment at the … hmm … how to put this … characters that audition.

There was one 17 year old girl last night who turned up in what can only be described as a wedding dress. Simon was hilarious when she told him it was her prom dress. Turning to the other judges he said with all the disdain he could muster ‘is that what prom is?’.

Another classic was the guy who turned up dressed as the Statue of Liberty, he was singing ‘New York, New York’ but only got as far as ‘Start spr’ before Simon cut him off and told him no. The guy thought it was a joke and tried to plead with him but it was to no avail. Simon was having none of it. Off he went, torch crestfallen.

But the best one of the lot was the girl trying to look like Paris Hilton. She was as thick as all get out! Simon’s first question was ‘tell us about your tan’. She started to ramble on about the song she was singing. He tried again ‘No, I said tell me about your tan’. Off she went again talking about how important music was to her. This carried another two or three times before she finally understood the question. Then he asked her what her mother thought of her look. ‘Well she’s outside so you can ask her’. Mom was then brought in. It was quite clear to everyone where the Paris-a-like had got her inspiration, and the question what her mum thought of the look was now totally redundant. Needless to say she didn’t make it through, I’m quite sure that was based solely on her singing.

There is an obvious difference between the American and British versions. The Americans all thought they were going to make it. There were none of those attention seekers that make up the early shows back home, you know the ones that have just turned up for a laugh to get on TV. It must be the way they are bred, it’s all part of the American dream, you know ‘you can be anything you want, don’t let anyone stand in your way’ kind of thing. I’m not complaining mind you. It makes for fantastic TV, so long as Simon Cowell is there to pour the contempt on them.